Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
