who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
