That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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