i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
