Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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