Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
