I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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