she was so not down for the gang bang
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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