Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
