I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
