I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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