i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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