when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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