I didn't shave. On purpose
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
