you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
