it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
