that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
