i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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