Duck Duck Cougar?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just want nice things and good sex
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
