dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
