We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
