I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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