I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
