Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
