I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
