im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
