Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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