Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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