You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
