I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i now understand why vodka
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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