There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
