he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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