Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I am one with the molecules
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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