I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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