Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
