pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
