she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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