And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
