plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
