So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
