R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
