The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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