I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
