So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
