Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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