That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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