Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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