Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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