I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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