well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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