Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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