I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
