My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
