Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
sex in a hospital.. check
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
