dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
