I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
