Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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