I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
